Skip to main content

Humans 1 - Earth 0

Last year I took a very pleasant vacation in the south of England with my family. Newquay is a glorious and splendid example of everything that makes England great. Every turn produces another picture-postcard image of idyllic Britain.

It was while visiting the harbour that I made this startling discovery; The human race has completely given up on the environment.

That may sound overly dramatic, but I whole heartedly believe it to be true. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are many, many occupants of the blue planet who fight tooth and nail everyday to protect her and all that share her resources with us, but I'm beginning to think this may be an uphill battle that cannot be won.

While gazing out over the harbour towards the crystal clear Atlantic Ocean on a beautiful morning with my daughter, I noticed a seal swimming next to the fishing boats. This is obviously a regular occurrence and the fishermen seemed all too used to the sight. What was startling and frankly very sad about this scene was that, from a neighbouring boat, four guys in their early twenties were pouring lager onto the seal and into the surrounding water. I have no idea what the aim of this action was. Perhaps they were on a stag party and they had to come up with a drunk seal to dress in their mother's clothing in time for the full event that evening. We've all been there. Perhaps one of the guys had a seal fetish and took a shine to the elegant beast, wanting to take it back to Essex as his aquatic bride. I think fewer of us have been there.

Or perhaps they were just idiots, because it wasn't difficult for them to see the impact of their actions. Floating just ten feet away from their trans-species kegger was the body of a lifeless, bloated seal. I couldn't have juxtaposed it better myself.

The point is this. The guys on that boat had absolutely no thought about the impact this process might have beyond the immediate gratification of seeing a drunk seal (side note - the seal was having none of it. She looked more of a Pinot Grigio type and viewed the common brand lager with obvious disdain). I know that, compared with the CO2 emissions of North America, India and China, this event is just a drop in the ocean*, but it is important from the perspective of how difficult it will be to get civilians to change our behavioural patterns and lessen the impact we have each and every day. What chance do we have of getting the guys in the harbour to walk to work or recycle when they won't even desist from attempting to drag marine life back to their own pre-evolutionary level?

Plus, what a waste of beer.

*pun intended

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Creative Language

So, they are going to fine people for swearing in parts of Australia and in Barnsley town centre. My anger and disbelief at this idea is extremely difficult to contain. It makes absolutely no sense for myriad of reasons, but I just have to point out the most obvious. Language evolves and progresses over years and decades and centuries. What is considered foul language now was not considered foul language 100 years ago. You know, the kids these days are very creative. Did you know what a MILF was a decade ago? Believe it or not, Shakespeare did not pen the line “My companion, on yonder stool is thine finest mater, for she is a MILF and will make my heart take flight”. MILF is an acronym of the highest order, to be commended for its almost onomatopoeic quality. It also contains what is widely regarded as the second worst swear we have. Should it be banned? The offending word itself is not said,but surely it is strongly suggested. My wife is American and, as such, because of her soc
Post a Comment
Read more

Not My Opinion

When did this happen? Without warning, I am now the go-to guy for every contentious discussion of which anyone in the office wishes to be a part. Recently, I have started to be hit with one line points of argument which make very little sense when flippantly thrown at me out of context and which make even less sense when given context by the aggressor. Do you think you're born gay or do you turn gay? What do you make of the 2012 end of the world? Both of these minor issues were thrown at me within the space of three hours last week from co-workers. Now, there are quick answers (“It's not for me to decide” and “It's bullshit”, taken in order), but that wouldn't do the combative nature of the questions any justice. I was asked in earnest to shed light on the subjects at hand. Although, with my reputation for being opinionated, loud and, well, a prick, I think they asked me for entertainment purposes more than anything else, like asking the drunken conspiracy-theory-guy in
Post a Comment
Read more

Won't you be my neighbour?

So, paranoid at number 4 tried a new tact, this time complaining that our chickens have trespassed on her property. I looked up over my laptop and through my office window to see a member of Sheffield City Council peering over our fence to examine the chicken's humble abode. Holy shit. I hung up the phone to whatever insurance company was busting my arse that day to pop outside and offer a kind word, asking if there was anything I could help him with. Did he want to come over and take a closer look? As it turns out, he was quite a nice fellow and we had quite an amicable chat. There was nothing wrong with owning chickens and ours look perfectly content, he said. The only thing is, would we mind trying to make their area a little more secure by putting some pea-netting over the entrance, just to make double sure? Of course, says I. Anything we can do, we'll take care of. All the while, number 4 is seething from underneath her black hood, listening to the polite back-and-forth be
Post a Comment
Read more